Well, we’ve been away for a while, but we’re back now. We were just busy doing something that not too many agents in these parts are doing right now…selling real estate. Due to Pat’s tireless efforts to keep food on our table and a roof over our heads, we now have 12 contracts in excess of $48,000 set to close in the next 6-8 weeks (yeah, we’re in a down market). Not too shabby, right? I think I’ll keep her. But I digress.
We’re going a wee bit off-topic today because we wanted to let you know that we’ve come into, shall we say, a sum of money. And it was all quite unexpected, too. These e-mails just started popping into our inbox and before you know it, we’re gazillionaires. We know you’ve seen them, too…the ones from the many lawyers you keep on retainer in Nigeria, Great Britain and various other countries; the e-mails from poor unfortunates whose husband/father/pet has died and left you a paltry 8-figure inheritance; the notices from those banks you consulted for reminding you to let them know where to send your multi-million dollar fees to. Those e-mails.
Well, we hate ’em but we’ve seen them in droves recently, so we decided to keep track of the next 50 that came to us, just to see who was being so generous and how long it would be before we could retire from real estate. So we kept track, and here are the results that have freed us from financial worry:
In six weeks, we have received official correspondence from no fewer than 27 bank officers, 10 executors, 7 lawyers, 5 lottery officials, and the Most Reverend Brother Mike Adams to tell us that we are the fortunate recipients of funds in the amount of – are you ready – 104,878,360GBP (which, at the current exchange rate, equals $206,960,880) and $318,544,000, for a grand total of $525,444,880. Over half a billion dollars! We are truly…blessed. Makes that $48,000 we mentioned earlier look like chump change, doesn’t it? We hardly know where to begin spending this windfall, it’s just too much to handle all at once. Vast wealth is truly humbling, and gives you a whole new perspective on life. It causes you to ask yourself what you can do for those less fortunate than you: the homeless, the destitute, the victims of disease, disaster, and sub-prime mortgages. Well, we know exactly what to do. We’ll share the wealth.
Anybody out there need some money? Just let us know…we’ll put you in touch with our priestly benefactor, Brother Mike Adams. Has he got a deal for you.